I've got a smile on my face. Maybe it's because today is my last shift before a glorious 6 days off in a row. I'm feeling wonderful, despite the fact that it's Monday. Mondays in the ER are always insanely busy. But that's okay! I can make it.
I'm enjoying things with Zack. He keeps me level headed, most of the time. He also puts up with my insecurity and mood swings like a champ. What's more than that, he shows off Sydney like she was his own.
For now, Sydney is developing her colorful personality. She enjoys squealing gleefully at the top of her lungs when she wants to get out of bed in the morning. She also enjoys Elmo... or as she calls it "Melmo." She can sing rock-a-bye baby and we've begun potty training. No poopy diapers for the last 4 days and I'll tell you that's a pretty big accomplishment.
Despite annoyances and every day menial tasks, my life is pretty good. I've got a lot of support and a lot of love. I'm definitely on the up swing.
Right now, I have it made in the shade. While I work, my parents watch Sydney. It's free, it's easy, and it's with someone I trust. The situation is working perfectly for now and Sydney has tons of love and attention. The situation may not last forever, so I started researching alternative methods of child care.
First let me say, HOLY COW! It's expensive. Day care isn't really a feasible option because I go to work so early and stay at work so late. Most day cares don't stay open til 730. Another thing is that I don't need five days a week for child care. At most, I need two. And on top of that, I need some weekends. So I researched a nanny, for the cost of that I might as well not even work. I can't afford to pay a nanny, plus rent, plus care, and all other needs.
What irritates me... all these women who have no jobs and have countless babies and get government assisted childcare. REALLY? Guess where the money comes from for this government assistance. MY check. Don't tell me that those women aren't the majority because in my position as an ER nurse, I see it every day. Lady on baby number 4 or 5, not married, no job, no healthcare, and wanting an ultrasound because they know our ER has to perform it if they complain of vaginal bleeding/pain. And they don't ever plan to pay the bill, which makes my hospital raise prices and have less money and therefore raises for staff are much less likely.
I'm sure everything will work out. I'm praying to God that it does. But the state of this economy and how it works is just insane.
I work. It's three days a week or 6 days a pay period. I wake up at 530 to get ready and work from 645am to 700pm. I don't mind it. I love my job. But it sucks to still wake up that early on my days off! Syd sleeps in til 830 some days and at least 930 on other days. I couldn't ask for a more considerate child, but I can't manage to get my internal clock to cooperate. Oh well, such is life. Maybe I should get important things taken care of on those kind of mornings.
Speaking of work. I work my butt off. I'm an emergency room nurse. I like to hustle. I don't like orders to be waiting and I don't put off my patient care. I move pretty quickly and help my fellow colleagues. When I first started working there 11 months ago. I was bright and peppy simply from being relieved my license had changed from Arkansas to Georgia without much hassle, and I found a job in such a quick amount of time after moving. The environment was/is better most days and the pay is better. I still love my job and I'm still peppy and sweet with most people. There are a choice few who are lazy to the bone and do no return the favor EVER when I help them with their work. When they should be working, they're talking on their cell phones or eating in the break room. Which is fine... whatever, do whatever floats your boat. But it really lowers my opinion on the type of nurse they are and also makes me not want to be very chipper with them.
The problem with this is my work does peer reviews. One of these said lazy people has gotten my review to do. A comment was made to another nurse where one of my friends could hear it. It was "I got Ashley for the peer review, but her attitude has changed a lot lately towards me." Two problems with this, 1) Reviews are supposed to be confidential which obviously mine is not. 2) My attitude towards them has definitely not affected my work performance. The fact is, I'm not rude to them and I still communicate with them and help them. My interaction with them is merely on a professional level. I don't chit chat with them while I'm supposed to be working. But because I'm not as "peppy" toward them as I might have been previously, my peer review is probably going to suck.
Now that I've vented, I'm not really all that worried because I'm sure my work performance will speak for itself.
I panicked a little yesterday. I was working my regular 12 hour shift and called to check on Syddo around 10am and there was no answer to my parent's phone. I blew it off thinking that they were busy or at the gym and didn't think about it again until my lunch at 3pm...yes lunch at 3pm. I tried calling all of them again with no answer. I called about 20 times. Now my parents are no young birds, but they aren't old either. And they're in really good health, but the worst scenarios flashed in my head. Too many to count and too many to be running through my mind. I can't help it. With my history of events, these events are my worst fears. So naturally, I have to go back to work. All the while worrying my head off. Finally, I got a call from my mother who had a workshop she attended that I didn't know about, so my dad was watching the baby. Dad had been in the gym when I called and Sydney was doing just fine.
My worst fear put to rest.
Seriously sometimes, I just need to relax.
I haven't posted in a bit, and I really need to get better about that. Life has been going well I suppose. Sydney and I have gotten into a routine and seem to be flourishing.
Sydney is no longer a little baby but a tiny human. She walks and talks as well as getting an attitude. She can follow commands and ask you questions.
I'm so blessed to have that nugget. I introduced myself to this blog describing myself as Sydney's Mom. Which is still remaining true, and I remain having no qualms about it.
Everyone seems to find Sydney darling and I eat it up when people pay her attention. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but growing up every time I passed a mirror it was myself I was looking at. Now, when standing in the mirror it's the monkey on my hip I'm looking at. (I call her a monkey because she latches onto my hip so fiercely) So, you'll have to excuse my appearance if you ever run into me, I'm not sure what I look like anymore.