Monday, May 28, 2012

Almost that time...

It's almost been a year since he left. I have such an odd feeling about it. I'm not necessarily sad, but I'm uneasy. It makes me uncomfortable. It seems such a short time ago, but feels as if ages have passed. I feel like it will be a mile stone for me in my grieving process. The last little blip to go through that I haven't gone through before. Everything else will just be a repeat of the time before and I'll learn how to handle it better and better. I think with the passing of next Monday, I'm also going to make a point to desperately try to avoid talking about it. Period. Sydney is doing so well. She has so much love surrounding her and she's the happiest little girl. Life. Funny how it is. It seems to work itself out. We are okay. Really.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

What Sydney Doesn't Know

Today is Mother's Day. Oddly enough, it's been tough for me to swallow. I know, Ashley grow up and get over it. Well, the truth is I'm struggling. Mother's day is a day for appreciating mother's, right? A lot of the time this appreciation comes from the husband of the mother. My daughter's father isn't here to appreciate the mother I am to his daughter. That's been difficult for my mind to wrap around. This time last year, my husband gave me a ring from Sydney. One that I had been eyeing for some time. It was a nice day. I remember it well and remembering a good time with him sometimes makes me sad. I could tell it had been bothering me the last couple of days because I've been having the nightmares again. BLAH to that. As I sit here typing that. I do realize I have someone who appreciates the mother I am. Sydney. Every time she reaches for me when she's in someone else's arms, every time she grins from ear to ear when I get her out of bed in the morning, every time she gives me a kiss... my baby is thanking me for being her mother. With all the really crappy stuff he did, I've got him to thank for giving me the mother's day gift that keeps on giving... my child's love.