Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Innocent Villian

I'm finally getting to go back to work next week.  I'm so excited to jump back into my career.  I have a job at a wonderful ER with lots of room for professional growth and development for me as a nurse.  Over 65 beds, a trauma level 2, and tons of learning opportunities.  I'm getting grief for moving and staying in Georgia.  Like I chose this path on my own without help from the situation.
I'm a horrible person for coming here where I have help to raise my daughter.  I'm expected to live there in Arkansas in the shell of a world Chase left behind by his decisions.  There are days where I can hardly function here much less there where everything is him.  I understand it's horrible that Sydney and her brother won't spend much time together, but I didn't make that choice on my own.  I can't imagine living there with the manipulation I'm being put through being three states away.  I'm outside the sphere of influence and losing control makes them angry.  So they intentionally do things to hurt me.  Little do they know, it only makes me want to stay away even more. 
I feel imprisoned by my desire to try to make them happy.  I've come to the realization it's either their happiness or my own.  Their desires lead my life down a dead end road while my choices are opening a new world for me. 
I just needed to vent.
On a much happier note, Sydney slept from 10 to 630 this morning.  So glad all she feels are her direct needs.  When do the complex emotions start?

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